I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
