Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
