Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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