I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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