i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
