I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
