so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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