Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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