Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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(585): View more from New York

Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.

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(815): View more from Illinois

So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)

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(530): View more from California

the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo

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(850): View more from Florida

When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?

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(812): View more from Indiana

theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.

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(407): View more from Florida

I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.

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(719): View more from Colorado

With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.

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