the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
