I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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