i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the day after is always just damage control
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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