He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
