matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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