all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
