Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
