I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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