At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
