dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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