when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
