Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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