Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
