Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
