wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
