Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
