Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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