Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
