Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
