Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
