doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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