So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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