she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
