There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I AM VODKA MAN
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
