Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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