Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
