I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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