Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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