Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
