what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
