We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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