Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
