Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
