The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Duck Duck Cougar?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
