I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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