I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
