I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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