Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
