Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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