its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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