its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
