what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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