wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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